Having had to have blood tests because of the problems I have been having with my stomach, and then finding out I am anemic, I thought I was done with new health problems. As it turns out, there is something wrong (or not right) with the stool sample that I did and as normal I have to wait a week to see a doctor. Great.
Continue reading “More *Thought Provoking* Health News (FFS!)”
I’ve always loved nails, even as a child I was fascinated by them and I always found myself looking at peoples nails. I’ve always loved doing nails as they give me some sense of calm and of course having long beautiful nails. I started having acrylic nails when I was in my late teens and loved them so much I became a qualified nail technician in my early twenties. By my late twenties, I had sadly become allergic to most nail products and was very, very upset by it.
Over the last few months, I’ve started writing 4 or 5 different posts but I’ve not managed to finish any of them (I could give you all the reasons why but the list would be ridiculously long). Normally I block everything in my mind. I put it all in a concrete box and lock it so I don’t have to deal with anything, but there is always something that manages to sneak through and it makes me think. Every time something crops up my head starts spinning and it becomes overloaded with so much thinking that trying to process it all has become near on impossible, let alone trying to get it written down. So here is it, I’m going to spill my mind and my feelings about certain things, or at least try. We will see how I get on.
The 23rd January would have been mom’s birthday. Her not being here was very very hard and it really made me think. I’m lost, stuck and have no idea where I’m going or who I am any more. There is a black void inside of me and my life seems to be a function and a process rather than it being lived like it should. I just don’t know at the moment.
I wrote the bulk of this post on Monday afternoon, on my phone, when I felt awful after some things had hit a nerve. I’ve been absolutely non-stop and doing some quite emotionally difficult tasks around the house, and up until Monday, I thought I was doing ok, that was until I came across some bits that made my brain think and instantly triggered a concoction of feelings that I didn’t want to feel!
I’ve not felt happy with my body for a very long time and as I’ve got older and my EDS has got worse I have come to dislike it more and more. I knew I was going to have to have my breast implants removed and when the journey finally started I was happy but very nervous at the same time. Having to potentially have three operations was going to be a lot for my body to handle and a lot for me to deal with psychologically having to deal with so many changes. I think the thing that made me the most uncertain was when my breast surgeon told me I would have to change my expectations because I would always be losing a battle with my disease. Having been so unhappy with my boobs for such a long time and then having to change my expectations I didn’t think there would be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Continue reading “Breasts: How New Bras Have Helped Me Find A Spark”
“The sucky bit: Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. As Mr H said, “You will always be in a losing battle with your disease”. I know that I will never win and I know that I will always lose. I know my body will get worse while my brain stays the same. I know my determination and fight will keep me strong every second of every day that I can be, but I know that it will only take me so far. I have had this condition since birth and I have lived with the effects of it since then and felt the deterioration that goes with age. I have seen what it has done to me, my family and friends and others with the same thing, I have felt it. But still I put a smile on my face and I hide my pain underneath it. I hide my sorrow for all the things I wish I could do and will never be able to no matter how hard I try.”
On Tuesday 13th November I underwent a bilateral mastopexy operation (or breast uplift to most of us). This operation was the second phase of the breast surgery I needed because of my combination of 11-year-old breast implants and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. After having to have my implants out 4 months ago I was left with what I can only call ‘granny boobs’, but this operation has completely changed that.
It’s taken me a while to write this post because I’ve been recovering and managing the pain, trying to adjust to my boobs and because of something my surgeon said, which I’m still trying to get my head around.
A few months ago I realised that I have PTSD, which to be honest isn’t surprising after what I went through and witnessed. I know what my triggers are, which is something, but unfortunately two of the places/ appointments that cause me PTSD flare-ups I can’t avoid. Continue reading “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder”
My pain levels and joints have been much, much worse over the last couple of weeks, and as the days go on everything gets progressively worse. I’d been trying to figure out why everything has been so much worse but couldn’t come up with anything, until last week, then it all made sense. Continue reading “EDS, Pain, Hormones & The Pill”
arbezlife 