Breasts: Breast Implant Removal Surgery

On Tuesday 24th July I had my breast implants removed, the first of either two or three operations. I’d been incredibly nervous in the run-up to the operation for a lot of reasons. Having the operation brought up more challenges than I had expected to face, some I hadn’t even thought of, some I had expected but I now realise I wasn’t mentally prepared for and some that I am slowly but surely adjusting to.

Dad took the week off work to look after me as we had no idea about the recovery timescales or how I would be. I’d been told that it would be as bad as when I had my implants done 11 years ago, but looking back I didn’t really have any real problems, other than a small amount of pain and not being able to lift my arms up. I think it’s fair to say I’ve had a few operations since then so there was no way to know how my body would react.

I had a 07:30 admission at the hospital, and typically we got stuck in traffic on the way there. We arrived only a couple of minutes late and after waiting about 20 minutes Dad and I were taken to my room. Before the admission lady had even left the room the nurse arrived, followed shortly by my anaesthetist and then my surgeon Mr H. Due to my EDS, current levels of painkillers and my dependency on opiates the anaesthetist wanted to make sure she knew everything so that we wouldn’t run into any problems during or after the operation. She told me that I was going to struggle badly with pain after the operation as she was limited to what medication she could give me. Pain is part of my daily life so it didn’t bother me too much and I knew it was a risk of the operation. As we were finishing up Mr H, turned up. He took photos of my breasts, drew the surgery lines on me and ran through everything as quickly as he was able to. He apologised for appearing rushed but explained that “we are meant to be in theatre already”. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by “we” but assumed he meant the surgical team, so I asked what time I would be going down. “Now” was his reply. Dad had popped to the car so I called him to come back up and I got ready to go down to theatre.

Rather than anaesthetise me in the adjoining room to the operating theatre they took me straight in and onto the operating table. I had made everyone aware (as Mr H had told me to) of the problems that my EDS causes me and my concerns about my knees and shoulders. Rather than risk moving me once I was asleep and risk hurting me, they wanted me to be in a comfortable position straight away. The anaesthetist used ultrasound to find my vein as there have been numerous problems in the past trying to find one, and before I knew it I was asleep.

I am not sure what time I went to sleep or what time I came to but I know that the operation didn’t take a huge amount of time. I came round quickly in recovery to the amazement of the nursing team and wanted to go back to my room as soon as I could. To my shock and joy, I didn’t have any drains in which had to be a great start as I remember how uncomfortable having them removed is. I got back to my room at 11:30 and felt absolutely fine and pain-free. I knew I wouldn’t have any pain as the painkillers would still be in my system but I knew that once they wore off it would be a different story. The nurses came in to help me put my sports bra on. Before the operation, Mr H had told me to buy a specific bra and suggested that I buy a 34DD as that’s what he thought I would be without implants. We just about managed to get the bra on but it took a lot of squishing and manoeuvering to achieve it. The hours passed and other than being uncomfortable I didn’t have any problems. Dad and I watched TV, read and Dad did some work on his laptop.  A few hours after the operation I knew the painkillers had worn off, but not because I hurt from the operation, instead my knees were killing me (typical). I had a couple of hours sleep and when I woke up I still had no pain so I asked if I could go home rather than stay the night as I was meant to. The nurse said she would ask.

It got to 16:00 and I still hadn’t heard anything about leaving so I asked the nurse that was looking after me. She went to inquire and said that my surgeon would make a decision once he had been to see me between 17:00 and 18:00. Mr H arrived just after 17:00 and checked me over. He took one look at the bra and how it fitted me and said I couldn’t stay in it as it was clearly too small so he went to find me a different one that would get me through until I could go and by another one. He explained that the operation had gone smoothly and as I felt fine I could go home. The discharge process was the quickest and easiest that I have ever experienced, exactly what I needed. As soon as we got outside I lit a cigarette and before we got in the car I apologised to Dad for having to get out of the hospital quickly. I explained what had happened and he said there was no need to apologise because he understood.

That was the first challenge that I had to face, one that I hadn’t even thought about. Being in the hospital itself wasn’t a problem, potentially because it was a hospital that was totally unrelated to mom. Before the operation was all fine and even up to going to sleep I didn’t have any problems. It was when I woke up from the anaesthetic that things started to go wrong in my head. Without going into detail (which I still refuse to do), some of the things that I saw in the last few weeks of mom’s life have traumatised me. I struggle with these things on a daily basis, especially if something triggers the memory for me. *I am struggling to find the right words to write this so please bear with me.* Well having come round from the anaesthetic, there were certain things that brought memories back way too clearly for me. I had to use all of my inner strength to get through it without panicking so that I could get back to Dad as quickly as possible. I managed to ‘deal with’ the triggers but they were still in my head so all I wanted was to get out of the hospital, into the fresh air, have a cigarette and go home. At home, I was able to relax and recovery far better than I would have in the hospital.

The following day Dad and I went to Marks & Spencer’s to get another bra for me. I had a little pain and discomfort but nothing drastic, plus I was able to lift my arms gently which was a massive bonus. I managed to get assistance with a bra fitting as I would have struggled on my own. The lady measured me as a 32 inch back, which I know I am but I normally wear a 34 otherwise it is too tight. As I wear a back size bigger than I am we had to go down a cup size so she went and got me some 34E bras to try on. They fit me but because I still have stitches we decided that a 36DD would be right for the recovery period.

Pain wise I have generally been ok. The most pain I’ve had is where the incision under my left breast is. The best way to describe the pain is like having chest pains and a general soreness. My left breast has been worse than my right and has bruised whereas my right hasn’t.  I am now 10 days after my operation and my left breast still has this pain most of the time but my right has none. Sleeping causes more pain and discomfort, as expected. It is recommended that for the 2 weeks after the operation that you sleep on your back supported upright with pillows. I can’t do that so I have been adapting my positions to enable me to get at least some sleep. Each night varies but as the days have passed I have slept more.

Self-image, self-consciousness and clothing have been a massive challenge. I knew that once the implants were removed my breasts wouldn’t look very nice. I always knew this but I hadn’t prepared myself psychologically for it. The first time I saw them I was mortified. When I have a bra on my breasts look fine (according to those that have seen me), but I know what is under the bra and that is something different. I hate them, that’s the honest truth, and I don’t think that will change until after the next operation. Trying to find clothes to wear when it’s ridiculously hot outside, your breasts have shrunk and changed shape and you have to live in a bulky sports bra, is not easy. It didn’t matter what I wore really as every time I left the house I held my arms up in front of my chest so that no one could see. I held on to my necklace or phone and wouldn’t bring my arms down. It wasn’t until Tuesday when I went out with C for lunch. C is like my brother and I enjoy spending time with him. He makes me feel comfortable and we laugh a lot. When he arrived at my house he said that I looked fine and that I was overthinking things and being paranoid. We had talked about my breasts (without that sounding weird) before we had gone out, but for some reason when we were out I felt more comfortable about myself. I don’t know if it was just from having reassurance from someone that knows me and is male (and not my dad). I’ve been told by more than one person that I look a lot slimmer now and I think that compliment has helped me too. It has taken a good few days and a lot of talking with friends and family about it for me to feel a bit better about myself. I think it helps that I haven’t looked at my breasts again and I’m just ignoring them. Clothes wise I have been very restricted in what I can wear but I have managed well enough by focusing on my comfort rather than what I look like.

I had my first follow up appointment on the 2nd August and my second will be a week later on the 9th. Once I have had the tape removed and the stitches sorted I will be able to have a shower (FINALLY) and wash my hair. I have been washing every day (obviously) but I still don’t feel clean, which I REALLY hate, and I have been relying on dry shampoo for my hair, which now looks remarkably like cave woman hair.

There will be a 4-month gap between operations and this 4-month period will be the hardest psychologically for me but probably the least painful. Having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome has definitely complicated having breast implants and implant removal but hopefully, I have found the right surgeon that will be able to help me in the long term. We will wait and see.