Brain Processing

Over the last few months, I’ve started writing 4 or 5 different posts but I’ve not managed to finish any of them (I could give you all the reasons why but the list would be ridiculously long). Normally I block everything in my mind. I put it all in a concrete box and lock it so I don’t have to deal with anything, but there is always something that manages to sneak through and it makes me think. Every time something crops up my head starts spinning and it becomes overloaded with so much thinking that trying to process it all has become near on impossible, let alone trying to get it written down. So here is it, I’m going to spill my mind and my feelings about certain things, or at least try. We will see how I get on.

Breasts: Mastopexy 6 (8) Week Check

Having had my bilateral mastopexy on November 13th my 6 weeks check up was due on December 25th, which obviously wasn’t going to happen being Christmas Day, so my appointment was booked for 8 weeks on January 10th instead. It was a quick appointment but it didn’t go as simply and smoothly as I would have liked. My overall self-consciousness and insecurity about my body, because of my current (temporary) weight increase, meant that I didn’t appear to be as happy as I am. It’s amazing how your overall feelings can change the way you act and think even if you don’t want them to. Sometimes the ‘happy mask’ slides and the face underneath shows.

Breasts: How New Bras Have Helped Me Find A Spark

I’ve not felt happy with my body for a very long time and as I’ve got older and my EDS has got worse I have come to dislike it more and more. I knew I was going to have to have my breast implants removed and when the journey finally started I was happy but very nervous at the same time. Having to potentially have three operations was going to be a lot for my body to handle and a lot for me to deal with psychologically having to deal with so many changes. I think the thing that made me the most uncertain was when my breast surgeon told me I would have to change my expectations because I would always be losing a battle with my disease. Having been so unhappy with my boobs for such a long time and then having to change my expectations I didn’t think there would be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Breasts: Breast Implant Removal Surgery

On Tuesday 24th July I had my breast implants removed, the first of either two or three operations. I’d been incredibly nervous in the run-up to the operation for a lot of reasons. Having the operation brought up more challenges than I had expected to face, some I hadn’t even thought of, some I had expected but I now realise I wasn’t mentally prepared for and some that I am slowly but surely adjusting to.

Breasts: Just Giving Page

I have been lost with what to do about my breasts and someone suggested to me about setting up a Just Giving page. I have thought about it on a number of occasions but never actually thought seriously about doing it. I messaged Z today and she suggested it to me, so rather than reading my book in bed I have set up my site.

The link is https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/flicsboobs.

When you set up your page you have to write why you are doing it and explain your story. That is one of the hardest things I have had to write. I didn’t want to feel like I was going into too much detail so that someone reading it would get bored, but at the same time, I didn’t want to not give enough detail. Finding that equal balance is very challenging. So this is what I ended up writing:

Mom’s Cancer: CT Scan Results

Before moms appointment, I felt incredibly nervous and anxious about getting her CT scan results. As we walked into the hospital I started feeling sick. Now that we have the results I feel lost, empty, numb, angry, sad and a hell of a lot of other emotions all rolled into one. I don’t want to talk to my friends; all I want to do is hibernate and not have to talk or think about anything.

Wednesday 28th February: We got good news and bad news, and we are left waiting for Mom to make an important decision.

Don’t Judge A Book By It’s Cover

We’ve all heard the phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover” yet most people do, sometimes subconsciously, even if they have personally been negatively stereotyped. Stereotypical associations are made based on a person’s sex, religion, ethnicity, individuality, physical appearance or even choice of clothing, the list is never-ending. Even a single word, with no image, can give rise to stereotyping. It has been said that it only takes 7, yes 7 seconds for a first impression to be made; so within 7 seconds, stereotypical labels are given. The idea that you can tell so much about someone, without knowing a single thing about them, apart from your own personal judgement, is absurd, especially in this day and age where there is so much variety in the world. The idea that “It doesn’t matter what your (insert characteristic) is, we are all the same”, is only half of the appropriate answer, it should finish with “we are each our own person”.

Breasts: Breast Imaging Follow Up Appointment

Having found a lump in my breast just before Christmas and the ultrasound scan showing it to be a cyst, I had to attend my follow-up appointment with the consultant. I had no idea why I needed to be seen again but as it is standard procedure I attended the appointment to see what they had to say.

Overthinking…

I received a concerned message from Nk yesterday, asking if we were ok as it has been months since we have seen each other. I replied to her 100% honestly but the situation got me thinking and as much as I’ve tried to put things to the back of my mind, it seems to have stuck with me. My brain seems to have gone into over think mode with certain things that have led from one topic to another. I am just trying to make sense of it all and by getting it out of my head I am hoping that it will stop my brain from over thinking further.

And The Diet Starts Again…

As I have got older my body has changed in many ways. Since the age of 21 I’ve had to deal with the natural body changes that occur with age, EDS body changes, 11 knee operations, being immobile, problems with my breast implants and numerous other health issues. All of these things have affected me physically and psychologically.

Recently I have been struggling with my weight and my body image. Since finding out about mom’s condition I have been more active, but I’ve been comfort eating, mainly in the evenings, and drinking Capri Suns, which unbeknown to me until a few days ago have 3 sugar cubes in them. I know I have been putting weight on but with everything going on dieting has been the last thing on my mind. A week ago I realised how bad things were when I became really stuck for something to wear as things didn’t fit or they looked awful when they were on.

Between 2011 and now my weight has fluctuated between 9 stone (57kg) and 11 stone 2 pounds (71kg). I am currently the heaviest I have ever been and it has been getting to me for quite a while, so now I’ve decided to do something about it.