Breasts: Breast Implant Removal Surgery

On Tuesday 24th July I had my breast implants removed, the first of either two or three operations. I’d been incredibly nervous in the run-up to the operation for a lot of reasons. Having the operation brought up more challenges than I had expected to face, some I hadn’t even thought of, some I had expected but I now realise I wasn’t mentally prepared for and some that I am slowly but surely adjusting to.

Breasts: Private Consultant Appointments

Now that I’m not looking after mom I’ve turned my attention back to my own health. I finally booked an appointment on the 7th June to see Mr H, the breast surgeon that Z recommended me to. Before my appointment, I was very nervous about going to see him as I had a hunch that things wouldn’t go as easily and smoothly as I’d have liked them to. As per usual my hunch was right and typically (thanks EDS) things are far more complicated than I’d hoped!

Breasts: Just Giving Page

I have been lost with what to do about my breasts and someone suggested to me about setting up a Just Giving page. I have thought about it on a number of occasions but never actually thought seriously about doing it. I messaged Z today and she suggested it to me, so rather than reading my book in bed I have set up my site.

The link is https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/flicsboobs.

When you set up your page you have to write why you are doing it and explain your story. That is one of the hardest things I have had to write. I didn’t want to feel like I was going into too much detail so that someone reading it would get bored, but at the same time, I didn’t want to not give enough detail. Finding that equal balance is very challenging. So this is what I ended up writing:

Mom’s Cancer: CT Scan Results

Before moms appointment, I felt incredibly nervous and anxious about getting her CT scan results. As we walked into the hospital I started feeling sick. Now that we have the results I feel lost, empty, numb, angry, sad and a hell of a lot of other emotions all rolled into one. I don’t want to talk to my friends; all I want to do is hibernate and not have to talk or think about anything.

Wednesday 28th February: We got good news and bad news, and we are left waiting for Mom to make an important decision.

Breasts: Shit News

I first saw my breast consultant in October after months of going back and forth and waiting around. At the end of the appointment, I was told to go back and see him a month or 2 later once I had funding agreed which he would write to my doctor to request. As usual, there were complications getting things sorted. I’ve rearranged my follow up appointment 3 times already and with an appointment booked for next week I thought I’d call to see if there was an update, otherwise, there would be no point in me attending. I’ve chased the secretary repeatedly and on Thursday I finally got some answers. Typically, as with everything in my life, it was bad news and I’m left feeling utterly shit!

And The Diet Starts Again…

As I have got older my body has changed in many ways. Since the age of 21 I’ve had to deal with the natural body changes that occur with age, EDS body changes, 11 knee operations, being immobile, problems with my breast implants and numerous other health issues. All of these things have affected me physically and psychologically.

Recently I have been struggling with my weight and my body image. Since finding out about mom’s condition I have been more active, but I’ve been comfort eating, mainly in the evenings, and drinking Capri Suns, which unbeknown to me until a few days ago have 3 sugar cubes in them. I know I have been putting weight on but with everything going on dieting has been the last thing on my mind. A week ago I realised how bad things were when I became really stuck for something to wear as things didn’t fit or they looked awful when they were on.

Between 2011 and now my weight has fluctuated between 9 stone (57kg) and 11 stone 2 pounds (71kg). I am currently the heaviest I have ever been and it has been getting to me for quite a while, so now I’ve decided to do something about it.

Cc’s Dad’s Funeral

I knew Cc’s Dad’ funeral was on Wednesday but I’d put it to the back of my mind so I didn’t over think things. On the way back from getting my tattoo on Tuesday night I suddenly remembered it was the next day. I had no idea how I would react emotionally to the funeral, and Cc on more than one occasion had said to me that if I didn’t want to go she understood. I promised her I would be there no matter what, for her and her children, and that I would just deal with my emotions. Once I started to think about the funeral my anxiety started to build because I didn’t know how I would react emotionally or psychologically to it all.

New Elephant Dedication Tattoo: What Do Elephants Represent?

After I found out that my mom has inoperable pancreatic cancer and that there is no cure, I decided to get a tattoo dedicated to her. I wanted something that represented her, was meaningful to us both, and something that will always make me think of her. I knew straight away it had to be an elephant. There are so many reasons why an elephant is perfect for my mom, not just because while my parents were on safari they got chased by an incredibly angry matriarch, who if she had caught the land rover, would have killed them.

I FINALLY Had My Nose Pierced!

So I finally got my nose (nostril) pierced! At the age of 29 that might not seem like a big thing, but for me it was. I already have 17 piercings and more than a few tattoos that I have accumulated over the years, but I still get incredibly nervous when it comes to new body modifications, especially painful ones.

Today Went From Bad To Worse

I don’t understand why my life is going like it is. Never in a million years did I expect this to be my life, with so much pain, suffering and hurt in it. I feel numb and totally vacant today, I literally didn’t expect the day to go like it has. I would love to be able to curl up in a ball in bed and stay there for a few days with how I feel. So much has happened in one day, so much emotion and pain, it is unreal. Why can life be so cruel?